Desiring at-onement with God?

The beautiful stage of At-Onement With God - how do I understand it?
Do I understand it at all?

A state of fearlessness, happiness, always in harmony with God's Love, always fearlessly seeking for more of God's Truth.

This is what I have been told.

But I don't understand it. Not within my soul, scarcely even with my intellect.

It sounds really, really beautiful and worth while striving for.

For me this state is like an unseen vision, something elusive - not in a negative way, rather something to long for, an unheard laughter, an unseen smile, unfelt love and tenderness.

What I slowly, slowly begin to understand -  with my intellect and sometimes also emotionally - is the beauty and loveliness with the Way, God's Way. The feeling when small, tiny pieces of error leave me and my soul opens up for more joy and insights day by day. Sometimes it is more like week by week or even months between new insights - but maybe you get the picture.

In the Prayer it says:

I know that Your Will is that I become at-one with You and partake of Your Great Love which You have bestowed upon me through Your Mercy and Desire that I become, in truth, Your child through Love, and not through the sacrifice and death of any of Your Creatures.

I realize that I can relax with this Truth. That it is God's Will that I become at-one with God.

I have already discovered how the Law of Desire gives me everything that I long for. So how strong mustn't it be when it is God who longs for me to become at-one with God?!

In the book The Life Elysian *) there is a conversation between Aphraar and Rhamya. I want to quote this special part about walking the way not knowing the goal (my interpretation):

Rhamya says:

"God has wisely ordained that all actively engaged in any mission may not be able to see what its final result will be. While we are at work our certainty of success must be of faith springing from God's blessing resting upon our wholehearted endeavor. If we could already see onward to the result of our labor it might tend to negligence, and the Father will not suffer us to be tempted above that we are able to bear, hence He drops the veil, and leaves us to feel that the responsibility of success rests upon our own shoulders."

My personal prayer is about asking God to hold my hand and lead me through the maze of emotions. 

And holding God's hand I just keep on walking!

 *) chapter XXI, The Coming of the Christ, page 203