I am getting in touch with some of my deeper fears now. During the night one of them surfaced. It is about control. I have a very strong addiction to be in control. The underlying fear is that something will go wrong and that I will be hurt in some way.
The last days things don't go MY way. I am loosing control! This tells me that something unloving is going on within me and my soul is pulling events towards me to show me this.
First it was the internet connection. Now and then it goes down, and I have to reset the modem. I have also noticed that when it is time to pay all the bills for the month, then suddenly the internet is even more difficult to persuade to participate with me.
Yesterday I found two bills that were really urgent to take care of.
The internet went down.
I restarted the modem.
The internet was extremely slow.
So I restarted the modem again.
No noticeable improvement...
I called the customer care help desk to find out whether it was their fault. Now I needed someone to blame and someone to fix it for me.
So I got some updating files that should speed up the internet connection for me.
But my internet was so slow that it couldn't open the files ... (now it's almost getting funny ...)
And at last I realized that it has to be within me that something is unresolved.
First I was angry.. I don't want to handle the bills, I don't want to do it myself, I feel exploited
Then at last the sadness came to me.
Sadness about wanting someone to help me, to care for me... a feeling of exhaustion about always having to take care of everything and of trying to be in control.
I cried, just for a little while.
10 minutes later the internet worked perfectly without me doing anything. And the bills were paid.
This event was about control and of not being in control. It was of course also about God's Law of Attraction and how wonderfully it works.
It is so very loving to understand that when my soul lets go of something painful, then suddenly everything gets less painful around me.
It is also so loving that letting go of control makes things go more smoothly. It is really wonderful to realize that the whole world becomes a more loving place when I stop controlling it! Anyone surprised about this?
I feel so grateful that I now and then may experience how Loving God is. That God is good, really Good. And that the Laws are Good too. Thank you God for being there - always, showing me - always.
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